so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
I think as you grow older your christmas list gets smaller and the things you really want for the holidays can’t be bought
#omg their reactions tho i mean krum is like fuck yeah and fleur is all yeah bitches who else but me!?! and then there’s cedric who’s like well duh i’m pretty and then harry is like fuck why is it always me
#fuck #just one year #can I just have one year of peace
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s No
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Go Away
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Fuck Off
Harry Potter and the Goblet of One Fucking Year
Harry Potter and the Order of the What the Hell
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Shit
Harry Potter and the Deathly Damn It
I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.
I Was Trying To Be Loving And Supportive But I Probably Overstepped My Boundaries And Came Off as Creepy: a feature-length film with two sequels and a TV series adaption.
I Was Trying To Tell You I Relate To Your Difficult Situation But It Probably Sounded Like I Was Making It All About Me: a novel saga with several side book adaptions and a movie.
Not your typical dad jokes.